The End Is Nearing

Last week was rough. With every passing day, I felt like I was growing more and more attached to my kids here. Then today, I realized that next week is our 2nd to last week here. Monday and Tuesdays always go by kind of slow here, but the next thing I know, it's Thursday and I'm wondering where the week went! It's probably no surprise to anyone but me that I really am starting to feel emotional about leaving. The entire time I've been here, I thought it would be hard but that coming home would be a big motivator. And it still is, but now I'm leaving more uneasy about the future of these children.

I've realized the potential and quick mind my dear little Vallie has. I would give anything to see her put in a decent school with qualified, patient workers. She's come from saying 1 word when we started, to now saying the following:
1) Pa pa (bye bye) and waving
2) Soft-- usually she thinks it means the opposite and its a good indicator when she says it she's about to attack. But she does a soft motion on her face..so she knows
3) Aye! (well half of the word aici for "here" when we play peek a boo)
4) Ta da! (my favorite)
5) La la la (she doesn't even really babble so this is a big one!)
I must admit I feel guilty having an obvious favorite in the room. But she's made the most progress and is just so energetic and lively.



Leaving was something we knew what happened from the beginning. But I didn't think it was going to become this hard. It's something I never really thought about: what are these kids going to think when one day, we don't come back and they might realize that it's been more than just a weekend without us. Will they be mistrustful of the next interns that come in the Winter because it's been so long? Maybe they won't even notice. It also hurts to think...do my kids really know me? Or is the open friendliness that a lot of orphans display when they have never had one attachment figure?


I think the hardest thing is just not knowing what it's going to be like when we really do leave in 2 weeks, coming home, and adjusting. Life as it stands right now does not leave a lot of time to sit and stew over it as I'll be thrown into my sister's wedding that weekend and then moving to Provo for my RA job. But in the down time, I know my mind wanders and I'm fairly sure I'll be looking over my pictures endlessly remembering this awesome experience. Totally worth the furstration, debt, stress, and heartbreaks.
This baby really needed a bath, but she was so tiny and cute. Sorry for the blueness. It was the lighting in the room and I didn't want to use flash with the door/window for the nurses to see. We get these pictures somewhat secretly.